Hi Peeps,
It's been awhile. I wonder really why I haven't written anything for an week. That is proberbly because there was not really that much happening.
I have been working hard. I've been holding my head up high. But is that really okay?
Do I have fun? No. Do I learn anything? No. So why am I here? This is not an No or an Yes.
All these song about love, I am searching for the words.
Desire or hate. Maybe they are the same.
Take me on you back, spread your wings fly me away from here.
We close our eyes to see.
I'm on my way. I am going there.
Keep on coming out. I love you.
Today is grey. The clouds are grey, the sky is grey, the sun is grey, the people are grey and my room has never looked so grey.
All these songs that play in my head. Get out, Get out so I won't feel grey as well.
So there ain't no sunshine.
Well that was it for today. The inspiration is gone.
Greetz! Anouk
zondag 23 september 2012
Wonders
Hey, I am feeling a little it down.
I am wondering. Will anyone ever read this blog?
Proberbly not because, my talking might just be very boring to read.
All the promises I made yesterday to myself, well I didn't do it.
I might be an coward. And there all ready enough of them. - 17/09/2012
I am wondering. Will anyone ever read this blog?
Proberbly not because, my talking might just be very boring to read.
All the promises I made yesterday to myself, well I didn't do it.
I might be an coward. And there all ready enough of them. - 17/09/2012
maandag 17 september 2012
The sky people.
I wonder when we stopped seeing the things around us.
The nature, the water, the air and the wonders that the world brought us.
The green grass, the moss on the fallen trees and the sound of the birds.
Our whole existence is around us. The things that gave us life are like magic so why?
Why did we become so greedy about everything.
Why did we stop living together with nature and why do we live agianst it?
Isn't it nature that created us? Isn't just proven that we have had severial evelutions and now grew to become an wise man?
I dare you. Step outside. Maybe in your backyard or in the forest near by and plant you feet in the ground. Do you feel it? Close your eyes. The sand that is tingling between your toes. The enery you recieve from earth. Breath. In and out and again. Feel the wind that brushes agianst your cheek. Hear the sounds. The sound of the trees that sweep with the wind. The sound of the birds passing by. Now open them and look up. See, see all that created us once. The light of the sun, the blue/grey sky and the white clouds that are just passing by.
What is our life? What is your life? Are you happy with it? Are you happy with the time that is passing you by? I bet you are not. Almost 70% of the people are not happy in their daily life. Why?
I am not saying everyone should become an treehugger. No. You should take time to think what life means to you. Yes we are humans and as the time has passed we have been making up our own rules so things don't get out of hand. We have all these obligations that we have toward our family, friends, community and in our faiths. Our trusts to god, boeddha or those other gods. Still, we are all the same. Look around you. We all have fears, have flesh and blood, faiths, believes, dreams, thoughts and we all breath. What makes the white more powerful? What makes the chinese the smartest of hardworkers and what makes the black the most family worthy? Aren't we all the same?
Humans are known for their knowledge, their strong will and feelings that some animals don't have. We have (as far as we know) the greatest brain with more thousands electronics that make an network of all that is around us. So, why is it that an 18 year old girl who hasn't seen even half of the world and is not the smartest child of all, knows all tese things and has to tell you about it? Aren't we the wisest animal of all? Then why are we being so foolish? Economics? Who cares about something like that? They didn't exist in the time we had only half of the knowledge we have now. Money? Wealth? What is that anyway?
Now, for the second time. Look around. What do you see? Do you see all of us, being happy that we have these easy gadgets and modern feathures? No. Try to imagne it again. The trees, the sounds, the wind, the light. All of them are we. We are them. Of course we all have dreams. Dreams of an careless life, dreams of fame or wealth but what do they mean when there will be a time that all of that falls. Who will we be and what will we do? If you try to understand even nature just a little bit, nature will try to understand you.
I have had an accident when I was 15. I got hit by an car who was way to fast. I got rammed on the cover of the car to the front glass. After that is slided on the ground. I layed there for an minute or so and then stood up. I saw all my stuff shattered on the floor so I began to pick them up. Not a skratch. No wound. I was just fine. It was my fate. I did not need to die. I needed to live. I prayed to god. I prayed to all the people that are in my heaven and thanked them. The angels, the boeddha, the germanic gods and the roman gods. I thanked them all. I am someone who needs to do something.
Maybe I cannot save all people. Maybe I cannot teach them how to think but what I can do is try. Try to help them in my way. Try to bring this message to people and try to wake them from what they need to see. Mother nature. If you really want to see something touching that you need to see this. The girl who silenced the world for 6 minutes. That is how it should be done.
Great greetz!, Anouk
The nature, the water, the air and the wonders that the world brought us.
The green grass, the moss on the fallen trees and the sound of the birds.
Our whole existence is around us. The things that gave us life are like magic so why?
Why did we become so greedy about everything.
Why did we stop living together with nature and why do we live agianst it?
Isn't it nature that created us? Isn't just proven that we have had severial evelutions and now grew to become an wise man?
I dare you. Step outside. Maybe in your backyard or in the forest near by and plant you feet in the ground. Do you feel it? Close your eyes. The sand that is tingling between your toes. The enery you recieve from earth. Breath. In and out and again. Feel the wind that brushes agianst your cheek. Hear the sounds. The sound of the trees that sweep with the wind. The sound of the birds passing by. Now open them and look up. See, see all that created us once. The light of the sun, the blue/grey sky and the white clouds that are just passing by.
What is our life? What is your life? Are you happy with it? Are you happy with the time that is passing you by? I bet you are not. Almost 70% of the people are not happy in their daily life. Why?
I am not saying everyone should become an treehugger. No. You should take time to think what life means to you. Yes we are humans and as the time has passed we have been making up our own rules so things don't get out of hand. We have all these obligations that we have toward our family, friends, community and in our faiths. Our trusts to god, boeddha or those other gods. Still, we are all the same. Look around you. We all have fears, have flesh and blood, faiths, believes, dreams, thoughts and we all breath. What makes the white more powerful? What makes the chinese the smartest of hardworkers and what makes the black the most family worthy? Aren't we all the same?
Humans are known for their knowledge, their strong will and feelings that some animals don't have. We have (as far as we know) the greatest brain with more thousands electronics that make an network of all that is around us. So, why is it that an 18 year old girl who hasn't seen even half of the world and is not the smartest child of all, knows all tese things and has to tell you about it? Aren't we the wisest animal of all? Then why are we being so foolish? Economics? Who cares about something like that? They didn't exist in the time we had only half of the knowledge we have now. Money? Wealth? What is that anyway?
Now, for the second time. Look around. What do you see? Do you see all of us, being happy that we have these easy gadgets and modern feathures? No. Try to imagne it again. The trees, the sounds, the wind, the light. All of them are we. We are them. Of course we all have dreams. Dreams of an careless life, dreams of fame or wealth but what do they mean when there will be a time that all of that falls. Who will we be and what will we do? If you try to understand even nature just a little bit, nature will try to understand you.
I have had an accident when I was 15. I got hit by an car who was way to fast. I got rammed on the cover of the car to the front glass. After that is slided on the ground. I layed there for an minute or so and then stood up. I saw all my stuff shattered on the floor so I began to pick them up. Not a skratch. No wound. I was just fine. It was my fate. I did not need to die. I needed to live. I prayed to god. I prayed to all the people that are in my heaven and thanked them. The angels, the boeddha, the germanic gods and the roman gods. I thanked them all. I am someone who needs to do something.
Maybe I cannot save all people. Maybe I cannot teach them how to think but what I can do is try. Try to help them in my way. Try to bring this message to people and try to wake them from what they need to see. Mother nature. If you really want to see something touching that you need to see this. The girl who silenced the world for 6 minutes. That is how it should be done.
Great greetz!, Anouk
zondag 16 september 2012
Sun-day. I know, I know.
Sunday. An day in the history that everyone went to church. All dolled up in their best clothes. If I see these films have sunday's in them I just wonder how that all really was. I don't believe the shit of it. My granmother's never tell me anything about the past. Most grandparents tell their grandchildren these stories about how they grew up and how they made all tese memories. One time when I was about 8 I asked my grandma about woldwar 2. All she said was that it was an time that she could not eat everything that she wanted. Later, a couple of weeks ago, I found out that she lost an sister in the war. Why would she not tell me that? Why would she never talk about that? My grandfather died before I was born of longcancer. I never knew him but I have seen picture of him. Fat, ugly he was. How did someone like my mom, who was beautiful at my age, get her gene's from someone so ugly?
Still, he is my grandfather so I never really said something like that out loud.
My other grandfather died when I was 2/3 years old. I remember nothing of him. Still there are pictures of me and him so there is proof of that I actually "knew" him.
When I was a young girl, I got bullied. I was too fat, too ugly. I was stupid and an crybaby. Always running to mommy when it all got too heavy for me to carry. There was one bully in my class and one in my home(my sister). If I think about it, proberbly did my sister just as much damage as that girl from my class. Now, like 5/6 years later, we get just fine along. Weird how things turn out. Even though my sister bullied me alot I always protected her from other people bullying her. I loved her and I always will. On the other hand, the girl from my class, I did not forgive. I see her from time to time in places like the station or supermarket and even now we do not even look each other in the eyes. She is evil. A witch. Or a demon. All of them are fine because she is the cause of my lonely being. But there allways two sides to every story. She made me who I am. Strong, proud and not afraid to be myself sometimes. - I know people who are never theirselfs.
Our dog has been breathing heavily. I am worried because you know, she is rather old. I don't want to lose her. So I decided to stay home tomorrow. Not because I am afraid she has an heartattack and dies or something like that but my mom said that if she was not to get any better she will put her to sleep. That means that she is going to kill our dog. I don't want her to die because I love her. Please, don't take her away from me. She has been there all my life( not all my life but you know).
I miss mom. I miss dad. Everyday. Every hour. Maybe I just need company. Other then my dog. I am counting down the days that my internship will be over again. I miss school and my friends. I only have a few so than it's even harder to accept that you are all alone. Again.
The rest of the day? It was kinda sunny. It had it's moments. I met the new neighbor from 3 doors. He looks like a nice 40 year old single guy. Maybe he just divorced. Don't worry, he's right eye that looks to the other side when he looks at you is not really attractive. Pfff.. I have been wondering all day. What do I want to do today, why am I living this lonely life and why do I not dare to take any risks at all? So I bought a big sorbet icecream coop in the supermarket and ate it all by-my-self. What can I say? I am an woman and I love chocolate icecream. Who doesn't? Don't answer that.
Saterday came a new book in. "The Grey Owl" it's called and it is an story of an native american who wrote his life. I know, for most people it may sound boring but I really like it. I am planning on reading it tomorrow. I hope I will like it. I hope I won't have any stomach pains from all the icecream I ate. Also, I need to get going with an book! My internship mentor said that if I wanted to produce a book we should do it trough his company. That way we will have less costs and the book will be cheaper which makes it easier to sell. I want to write an childrens book. It has to have pictures in it and the story should be classic but wonderful. First I need an story. Difficult but not the most difficult. That will be the drawings.
You see, I don't have one style. In some ways that is good and in other ways it's not. I have taste in what I like but the pictures I have in my head are never the same as the outcome. Pity. I am so going to rock that book. I have allready tried to draw some things but they should be for work and not for myself. I know, I know.
I have also done some Dreamweavering today. I put a whole website together. But it still doesn't work the way I want it to. The plan was also to give my blog(this one) an update on the layout but I haven't decided yet what I want to do with it. It's rather hard to 'just' choose something. I know, I know.
Well, I guess that was all for today. I wonder what will come tomorrow. Maybe I should sleep with my dog tonight. Who knows. Have an nice evening!
Greetz!, Anouk
Still, he is my grandfather so I never really said something like that out loud.
My other grandfather died when I was 2/3 years old. I remember nothing of him. Still there are pictures of me and him so there is proof of that I actually "knew" him.
When I was a young girl, I got bullied. I was too fat, too ugly. I was stupid and an crybaby. Always running to mommy when it all got too heavy for me to carry. There was one bully in my class and one in my home(my sister). If I think about it, proberbly did my sister just as much damage as that girl from my class. Now, like 5/6 years later, we get just fine along. Weird how things turn out. Even though my sister bullied me alot I always protected her from other people bullying her. I loved her and I always will. On the other hand, the girl from my class, I did not forgive. I see her from time to time in places like the station or supermarket and even now we do not even look each other in the eyes. She is evil. A witch. Or a demon. All of them are fine because she is the cause of my lonely being. But there allways two sides to every story. She made me who I am. Strong, proud and not afraid to be myself sometimes. - I know people who are never theirselfs.
Our dog has been breathing heavily. I am worried because you know, she is rather old. I don't want to lose her. So I decided to stay home tomorrow. Not because I am afraid she has an heartattack and dies or something like that but my mom said that if she was not to get any better she will put her to sleep. That means that she is going to kill our dog. I don't want her to die because I love her. Please, don't take her away from me. She has been there all my life( not all my life but you know).
I miss mom. I miss dad. Everyday. Every hour. Maybe I just need company. Other then my dog. I am counting down the days that my internship will be over again. I miss school and my friends. I only have a few so than it's even harder to accept that you are all alone. Again.
The rest of the day? It was kinda sunny. It had it's moments. I met the new neighbor from 3 doors. He looks like a nice 40 year old single guy. Maybe he just divorced. Don't worry, he's right eye that looks to the other side when he looks at you is not really attractive. Pfff.. I have been wondering all day. What do I want to do today, why am I living this lonely life and why do I not dare to take any risks at all? So I bought a big sorbet icecream coop in the supermarket and ate it all by-my-self. What can I say? I am an woman and I love chocolate icecream. Who doesn't? Don't answer that.
Saterday came a new book in. "The Grey Owl" it's called and it is an story of an native american who wrote his life. I know, for most people it may sound boring but I really like it. I am planning on reading it tomorrow. I hope I will like it. I hope I won't have any stomach pains from all the icecream I ate. Also, I need to get going with an book! My internship mentor said that if I wanted to produce a book we should do it trough his company. That way we will have less costs and the book will be cheaper which makes it easier to sell. I want to write an childrens book. It has to have pictures in it and the story should be classic but wonderful. First I need an story. Difficult but not the most difficult. That will be the drawings.
You see, I don't have one style. In some ways that is good and in other ways it's not. I have taste in what I like but the pictures I have in my head are never the same as the outcome. Pity. I am so going to rock that book. I have allready tried to draw some things but they should be for work and not for myself. I know, I know.
I have also done some Dreamweavering today. I put a whole website together. But it still doesn't work the way I want it to. The plan was also to give my blog(this one) an update on the layout but I haven't decided yet what I want to do with it. It's rather hard to 'just' choose something. I know, I know.
Well, I guess that was all for today. I wonder what will come tomorrow. Maybe I should sleep with my dog tonight. Who knows. Have an nice evening!
Greetz!, Anouk
zaterdag 15 september 2012
Secret.
I have a secret. No, I am not pregnant and no I am not lesbian.
My secret is way scarier then that.
I am someone that has the same as my sister. We can't calm down.
It may sound weird but I am always with alot of enery.
Not only that, I have these "attacks" as in like hart attacks.
I will breath extremely hard and can only calm down when I distract myself from everthing.
Best way to that, Watch an movie.
Nobody knows this, because I have been suffering from this all alone but, Now you kinda know so... that's cool. I guess. This can't calm down thing has been going on with my sister and she had to go in therapy so when I found out, I had a kind of the same I was scared. What if I had to go in therapy? Would they find out more then I wanted? And if they did, would they think I was a wacko?
The drama of my life is somthing I will tell some other time because right now, It's almost 11PM and I am all alone at home. So I hate to cry like this when I feel like no one would care for me.
I have many more secrets that I do not intend to tell. This secret was something I had to tell because I was scared. All alone, whith only an dog to maybe care. So I say to you, good night.
Tomorrow I am going to update my website, blog etc.
That is gonna be a lot of work.
Greetz! Anouk
My secret is way scarier then that.
I am someone that has the same as my sister. We can't calm down.
It may sound weird but I am always with alot of enery.
Not only that, I have these "attacks" as in like hart attacks.
I will breath extremely hard and can only calm down when I distract myself from everthing.
Best way to that, Watch an movie.
Nobody knows this, because I have been suffering from this all alone but, Now you kinda know so... that's cool. I guess. This can't calm down thing has been going on with my sister and she had to go in therapy so when I found out, I had a kind of the same I was scared. What if I had to go in therapy? Would they find out more then I wanted? And if they did, would they think I was a wacko?
The drama of my life is somthing I will tell some other time because right now, It's almost 11PM and I am all alone at home. So I hate to cry like this when I feel like no one would care for me.
I have many more secrets that I do not intend to tell. This secret was something I had to tell because I was scared. All alone, whith only an dog to maybe care. So I say to you, good night.
Tomorrow I am going to update my website, blog etc.
That is gonna be a lot of work.
Greetz! Anouk
Just Tea.
Hi, and welcome to my blog. Again.
My name is Anouk and I am an lonely, misunderstood, virgin of 18 years old.
Just for the note, I am not taking pity on myself neither being an dramaqueen.
I am just me.
The last few months I have been trying to be someone who is myself. The name I made up for her is Blue. She is free of thoughts, full of dreams and ready to make an adventure of her life. As the weeks pasted and when I had to go back to my normal life after summer vacation I find myself in an spot that I don't know what I want or what I want to do. The people surrounding me are talking as if all the thoughts and dreams I have are wrong. I feel caged in my own mind, in my house and in my life as an 18 year old, 3rd year of highschool(my school has 4 years) who just has to be someone she is not. I want to run free. I want to make an change in the world..In my life!
All these things I tell myself might be lies or the might be illusions. I am trapped in my age. I being hold by the adults around me saying that I am only an teenager. "Be realistic" they say. Well, I am.
If "Being realistic" means that I just have to admit myself to the society and think thing I should not to, why do I have these thoughts then? Why do we dream then? No one knows because we are all human and there hasn't been an "jesus" in the last 2012 years who thinks he actually knows those things.
Dear someone,
This is my call for help. This is, what I call, an message from and human that is feeling things she should not have or feeling things I can. Not too long ago, I had an dream. I can not really remember all of it but what I remember was that I was extremely happy and in love. All I can thing about is this sign that keeps on repeating in my head. The sign of crab. You know from like the starsigns but I think that it meant "I love you" in my dreams. Please, tell me who you are so I can ove on with my life.
Tonight the moon will rise but it will be inviseble. That is called "New moon". In the next 15 days the moon will start to appear again. Very slowly so you will proberbly see it again on the 20th or so but between New moon and Full moon there are things to happen. I know it for sure.
Sweet stranger, I will meet you under the sky. The sky that connects all worlds. The whole universe (just for the record, I am not in my period).
I am worried. I worry about the people around me. My mom, my dad, uncle and aunts. Even my dog. Everyone is getting older and I won't have these people around me forever. Do I really have to stand on my own two feet so quickly? I am scared that I will be all left alone. What if my parents one day just didn't come back? I am sure of one thing, then I wouldn't have children because I can't handle them by myself whithout my mom. (I don't have any children!) My dog, Lara, is really getting older. I remember playing with her all summer. Running though the grass and rolling through the mud. But now, she can bearly standup. I need to hold her when she wants to stand or help her stand when she had to eat. I don't want to lose her. She is the only one who has never betrayed me.
You could say, I hate humans. Not all of them. Just the ones that judge so easily. I want this fantasy guy who would actually take the time and enery to really get to know me but I would proberbly have to do the same because that is how relations work right. Maybe I should just stay an virgin forever. That would not even be that bad of an idea. Or I will meet this cute english guy with an british accent. I wouldn't mind that. How he would just whisper these naughty words in my ear. Don't mind the fantasy of an stupid virgin girl. :) I wonder if I will ever fall in love...
Another thing is that I am in an internship right now and all I see is this lonely hopeless man with the age of 45 who has to talk all the time about his ex-girlfriends and an pale scrawny guy who is about an month younger then me but looks 16 and only talks in code language. I miss my friends from school. Maybe I should invite them over. But then again no because the house is an mess. My parents are meeting my uncle and aunt in France so I have the house all by myself. Sunday my sister of almost 20 is coming over so that could be fun... Then I really have to clean up this shit... Shit.
Last summer, I began with an "dummy". It's an book where you tape all the artwork, illustrations, poems, wise words, pictures and stuff that you can find in. Every page has to be an feeling or expression. I think I am half way. it has been... about 6 weeks. I try as many things as possible. It's my motivation, my inspiration, my feelings and my thoughts all combined in one little A5 sized book.
It's almost an everyday thing I do when I get home. Her name is Blue. Blue for Who I am and who I want to be. It has already opend many doors for me. So, If you want to try it as well here is what you will need to do:
You need:
- 1 book with whit paper (can be an notebook or diary. any size you want)
- 1 pair of scissors (so you can cut out all the pictures you want)
- glue (best if you have the transparent one)
- a bunch of magazines, papers with pictures or anything you can find that has somthing fun in it to snip out.)
- feelings (bad ones or happy ones)
- time.
What you need to do:
Step 1: make the book your own.
Make the cover of the notebook you are using something you want to look at. Make it look like yourself. Just try to be honest.
Step 2: Name you book.
It is very easy to just put in some pictures but if you give it an theme the challenge will be much more fun.
Step 3: Snap it all out.
Just take those magazines and tear everything you think is interesting out. It will make you feel lighter and it will makes you dummy filled with pictures.
Step 4: Creativity
Just start glueing things together. The first couple of pages are allways and disaster. You don't really know what to put in it until you find just the right pictures that rock your world. You can also draw or paint in it. You can to whatever you want with it. Tear it up, lick it, love it. Just put those feelings that you are hiding in there.
Step 5: Close the door.
Now close the book. You have just now started an journey to find yourself. it's an adventure that you have to enjoy. Try new things and be creative but know when it's time to close your book otherwise you will fill like 10 pages all with the same feeling.
And that's all. There you have it. Just an update on how my life has been the past couple months and who I am right now. Through this whole writing thing I have drunk just 1 cup of tea. Amazing hea? I have only stopped 2 times with typing and it took me about one and a half hour.
For those who read the whole thing, thanks. For those who didn't, Fuck you. (you will proberbly not even read this so you don't mind do you?) I miss my friends, I miss my mom and I miss my sister. i love you guys.
Greetz!, Anouk
My name is Anouk and I am an lonely, misunderstood, virgin of 18 years old.
Just for the note, I am not taking pity on myself neither being an dramaqueen.
I am just me.
The last few months I have been trying to be someone who is myself. The name I made up for her is Blue. She is free of thoughts, full of dreams and ready to make an adventure of her life. As the weeks pasted and when I had to go back to my normal life after summer vacation I find myself in an spot that I don't know what I want or what I want to do. The people surrounding me are talking as if all the thoughts and dreams I have are wrong. I feel caged in my own mind, in my house and in my life as an 18 year old, 3rd year of highschool(my school has 4 years) who just has to be someone she is not. I want to run free. I want to make an change in the world..In my life!
All these things I tell myself might be lies or the might be illusions. I am trapped in my age. I being hold by the adults around me saying that I am only an teenager. "Be realistic" they say. Well, I am.
If "Being realistic" means that I just have to admit myself to the society and think thing I should not to, why do I have these thoughts then? Why do we dream then? No one knows because we are all human and there hasn't been an "jesus" in the last 2012 years who thinks he actually knows those things.
Dear someone,
This is my call for help. This is, what I call, an message from and human that is feeling things she should not have or feeling things I can. Not too long ago, I had an dream. I can not really remember all of it but what I remember was that I was extremely happy and in love. All I can thing about is this sign that keeps on repeating in my head. The sign of crab. You know from like the starsigns but I think that it meant "I love you" in my dreams. Please, tell me who you are so I can ove on with my life.
Tonight the moon will rise but it will be inviseble. That is called "New moon". In the next 15 days the moon will start to appear again. Very slowly so you will proberbly see it again on the 20th or so but between New moon and Full moon there are things to happen. I know it for sure.
Sweet stranger, I will meet you under the sky. The sky that connects all worlds. The whole universe (just for the record, I am not in my period).
I am worried. I worry about the people around me. My mom, my dad, uncle and aunts. Even my dog. Everyone is getting older and I won't have these people around me forever. Do I really have to stand on my own two feet so quickly? I am scared that I will be all left alone. What if my parents one day just didn't come back? I am sure of one thing, then I wouldn't have children because I can't handle them by myself whithout my mom. (I don't have any children!) My dog, Lara, is really getting older. I remember playing with her all summer. Running though the grass and rolling through the mud. But now, she can bearly standup. I need to hold her when she wants to stand or help her stand when she had to eat. I don't want to lose her. She is the only one who has never betrayed me.
You could say, I hate humans. Not all of them. Just the ones that judge so easily. I want this fantasy guy who would actually take the time and enery to really get to know me but I would proberbly have to do the same because that is how relations work right. Maybe I should just stay an virgin forever. That would not even be that bad of an idea. Or I will meet this cute english guy with an british accent. I wouldn't mind that. How he would just whisper these naughty words in my ear. Don't mind the fantasy of an stupid virgin girl. :) I wonder if I will ever fall in love...
Another thing is that I am in an internship right now and all I see is this lonely hopeless man with the age of 45 who has to talk all the time about his ex-girlfriends and an pale scrawny guy who is about an month younger then me but looks 16 and only talks in code language. I miss my friends from school. Maybe I should invite them over. But then again no because the house is an mess. My parents are meeting my uncle and aunt in France so I have the house all by myself. Sunday my sister of almost 20 is coming over so that could be fun... Then I really have to clean up this shit... Shit.
Last summer, I began with an "dummy". It's an book where you tape all the artwork, illustrations, poems, wise words, pictures and stuff that you can find in. Every page has to be an feeling or expression. I think I am half way. it has been... about 6 weeks. I try as many things as possible. It's my motivation, my inspiration, my feelings and my thoughts all combined in one little A5 sized book.
It's almost an everyday thing I do when I get home. Her name is Blue. Blue for Who I am and who I want to be. It has already opend many doors for me. So, If you want to try it as well here is what you will need to do:
You need:
- 1 book with whit paper (can be an notebook or diary. any size you want)
- 1 pair of scissors (so you can cut out all the pictures you want)
- glue (best if you have the transparent one)
- a bunch of magazines, papers with pictures or anything you can find that has somthing fun in it to snip out.)
- feelings (bad ones or happy ones)
- time.
What you need to do:
Step 1: make the book your own.
Make the cover of the notebook you are using something you want to look at. Make it look like yourself. Just try to be honest.
Step 2: Name you book.
It is very easy to just put in some pictures but if you give it an theme the challenge will be much more fun.
Step 3: Snap it all out.
Just take those magazines and tear everything you think is interesting out. It will make you feel lighter and it will makes you dummy filled with pictures.
Step 4: Creativity
Just start glueing things together. The first couple of pages are allways and disaster. You don't really know what to put in it until you find just the right pictures that rock your world. You can also draw or paint in it. You can to whatever you want with it. Tear it up, lick it, love it. Just put those feelings that you are hiding in there.
Step 5: Close the door.
Now close the book. You have just now started an journey to find yourself. it's an adventure that you have to enjoy. Try new things and be creative but know when it's time to close your book otherwise you will fill like 10 pages all with the same feeling.
And that's all. There you have it. Just an update on how my life has been the past couple months and who I am right now. Through this whole writing thing I have drunk just 1 cup of tea. Amazing hea? I have only stopped 2 times with typing and it took me about one and a half hour.
For those who read the whole thing, thanks. For those who didn't, Fuck you. (you will proberbly not even read this so you don't mind do you?) I miss my friends, I miss my mom and I miss my sister. i love you guys.
Greetz!, Anouk
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