Sunday. An day in the history that everyone went to church. All dolled up in their best clothes. If I see these films have sunday's in them I just wonder how that all really was. I don't believe the shit of it. My granmother's never tell me anything about the past. Most grandparents tell their grandchildren these stories about how they grew up and how they made all tese memories. One time when I was about 8 I asked my grandma about woldwar 2. All she said was that it was an time that she could not eat everything that she wanted. Later, a couple of weeks ago, I found out that she lost an sister in the war. Why would she not tell me that? Why would she never talk about that? My grandfather died before I was born of longcancer. I never knew him but I have seen picture of him. Fat, ugly he was. How did someone like my mom, who was beautiful at my age, get her gene's from someone so ugly?
Still, he is my grandfather so I never really said something like that out loud.
My other grandfather died when I was 2/3 years old. I remember nothing of him. Still there are pictures of me and him so there is proof of that I actually "knew" him.
When I was a young girl, I got bullied. I was too fat, too ugly. I was stupid and an crybaby. Always running to mommy when it all got too heavy for me to carry. There was one bully in my class and one in my home(my sister). If I think about it, proberbly did my sister just as much damage as that girl from my class. Now, like 5/6 years later, we get just fine along. Weird how things turn out. Even though my sister bullied me alot I always protected her from other people bullying her. I loved her and I always will. On the other hand, the girl from my class, I did not forgive. I see her from time to time in places like the station or supermarket and even now we do not even look each other in the eyes. She is evil. A witch. Or a demon. All of them are fine because she is the cause of my lonely being. But there allways two sides to every story. She made me who I am. Strong, proud and not afraid to be myself sometimes. - I know people who are never theirselfs.
Our dog has been breathing heavily. I am worried because you know, she is rather old. I don't want to lose her. So I decided to stay home tomorrow. Not because I am afraid she has an heartattack and dies or something like that but my mom said that if she was not to get any better she will put her to sleep. That means that she is going to kill our dog. I don't want her to die because I love her. Please, don't take her away from me. She has been there all my life( not all my life but you know).
I miss mom. I miss dad. Everyday. Every hour. Maybe I just need company. Other then my dog. I am counting down the days that my internship will be over again. I miss school and my friends. I only have a few so than it's even harder to accept that you are all alone. Again.
The rest of the day? It was kinda sunny. It had it's moments. I met the new neighbor from 3 doors. He looks like a nice 40 year old single guy. Maybe he just divorced. Don't worry, he's right eye that looks to the other side when he looks at you is not really attractive. Pfff.. I have been wondering all day. What do I want to do today, why am I living this lonely life and why do I not dare to take any risks at all? So I bought a big sorbet icecream coop in the supermarket and ate it all by-my-self. What can I say? I am an woman and I love chocolate icecream. Who doesn't? Don't answer that.
Saterday came a new book in. "The Grey Owl" it's called and it is an story of an native american who wrote his life. I know, for most people it may sound boring but I really like it. I am planning on reading it tomorrow. I hope I will like it. I hope I won't have any stomach pains from all the icecream I ate. Also, I need to get going with an book! My internship mentor said that if I wanted to produce a book we should do it trough his company. That way we will have less costs and the book will be cheaper which makes it easier to sell. I want to write an childrens book. It has to have pictures in it and the story should be classic but wonderful. First I need an story. Difficult but not the most difficult. That will be the drawings.
You see, I don't have one style. In some ways that is good and in other ways it's not. I have taste in what I like but the pictures I have in my head are never the same as the outcome. Pity. I am so going to rock that book. I have allready tried to draw some things but they should be for work and not for myself. I know, I know.
I have also done some Dreamweavering today. I put a whole website together. But it still doesn't work the way I want it to. The plan was also to give my blog(this one) an update on the layout but I haven't decided yet what I want to do with it. It's rather hard to 'just' choose something. I know, I know.
Well, I guess that was all for today. I wonder what will come tomorrow. Maybe I should sleep with my dog tonight. Who knows. Have an nice evening!
Greetz!, Anouk
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