The little lost bear.

Hi no one,
I am me. I am lost. All my life I have been thinking that all the people around me are better, smarter, more beautiful and way more interesting then me. All my life I felt like someone wanted to take everything I have and just trow it into the sea like a bag of garbage. So I thought I was.

The little lost bear began as an name for the "real" me. An girl who is scared of everything and never know what she wants. I thought that was wrong to be. Wrong to be insecure and wrong to be who I am and what I am. I am scared. I am scared of the whole world chasing my ass as if I am an little child. I am scared of being judged, being seen, being a part of something, having an habit and of being someone I wanted to be.

"There are many things to be afraid of in life but being nervous or being yourself is not one of them" said an teacher from drama classes. She was right. I am scared to admit that I am afraid of living. But luckily I am not the only one. Everyday I see, feel and read all this stuff on tumblr about people who are scared and insecure. Sad, happy, in love, lovesick, brokenhearted etc. So when I began to read all this stuff, I recognized myself. I have been there. I am there.

This stuff might be for some people a little bit too much over thinking but I think I am right to talk and think about it. I am doing the right thing in admitting that I am scared of the unknown and scared of living my life. There is no one to tell how to do tese things and if I start an talk about this subject people just change to them selfs or want to quit after 2 minutes saying this stuff is too 'deep'.

Yes, I am an teenage girl with the age of 18. I am immature, single, fantasying about guys liking me and I am an absolute dork for books about everything and nothing. Is that really totally wrong? Am I really that weird? HELLO Little lost bear speaking. do you have an emergency line for weird, crazy people? No? That is a pity.

I miss my friends. ALOT. Not the friends I have known for centuries but my school friends. D and E and M. I all miss them so much.  I wish I was just accepted in Photography and then I would be at school taking picture together with them. Sure I am speaking with friends. Over Whatsapp and facebook.

Mom said our dog won't live long anymore. And strangely enough, I was not mad at her anymore for bringing it up. I have cried already 4 times because I don't want Lara to leave us but when I see her walking that painfully, I kinda understand. It must be so painful and she must really feel tired. I hung a picture of her on my wall in my bedroom. I love her so much. Just anything can be told to her. She would always cuddle up to me when I was crying and I was cuddling up to her when she was afraid of the thunder. I am going to miss her so much and She will always stay in my heart. Where she belongs.

Today it was raining and you know how much I love rain. Singing in the rain all the way. I got all wet home. Yay tea, an blanket and the poncho I bought online that arrived! God, I love my bed.
Well that is it for so far. Any questions? Good. I wish you an good night then and say hello to an new girl. The name of her blog will be...... Nanook Makwa.
Interesting right? Tell you next time!
Greetz! Anouk